Out of Sight, Out of Mind
by jayjoan
Summary: ShikaTema: If you do not see someone or something frequently, you will forget about it. AU
1. out of sight, out of mind

I really truly loved her from the bottom of my heart. I believe she felt the same way, just didn't express those feelings exactly the way I did.

I never really considered myself a clingy person in constant need of the touch of a warm body, but when I found her, she turned me into exactly that. I couldn't go a day without hooking my arm through hers or pinching her arm or holding onto her elbow. Her skin was so soft under my palms, and I felt so special to be allowed access whereas she generally hated physical contact with others.

"I don't mind it if it's you," she'd say, brushing it off.

It was important I never crossed the line with her, and whenever she complained about jerks surrounding her and their actions, I'd see slight similarities between what they did and what I've done. If they made an excessive joke about her race I'd remember when I made a joke about the same thing and slightly panic.

"I'm sorry, I've done that before, haven't I?" I'd apologize half-sincerely but be corrected when she'd reply, "It's cool between you and me, but those random motherfuckers don't have the right."

Don't get me wrong, I wasn't walking on eggshells the entire duration of our relationship, although it did feel that way sometimes.

She was truly an amazing person, despite the things people said about her. She'd be labeled as quiet and boring when she was by herself, away from me in another classroom in the prison of our school. She was anything but when she was by my side, however.

She was an amazing storyteller, and had many adventures to tell about, mostly involving her siblings back home before they moved. I told her stories myself, although I could never describe and add the plot-changing details to gossip like she could. She was a hilarious person and made me realize just how much a sense of humor was important for me to find in the people I surrounded myself with.

I guess that's why we isolated ourselves when we were together. She had a rep for being anti-social, just like me. I used to have friends besides her but when I met her they kind of dropped from my life, or rather, I dropped them. I couldn't care enough about them when I already had my soulmate, and she's all I thought I needed. It sounds dramatically idiotic when I look back on those years. It figures I'd sound like a faggot over her when we were in middle school.

Yup from the age 11 to 14 my life revolved around her, that mysterious girl, who you could ironically say I knew everything about.

Perhaps that range of pre-teen years is inaccurate, there are a lot of technicalities to tie in after junior high graduation and all the times I think about her to this day, so it's troublesome to say.

Those three years are the most condensed of her, however, and that's the reasoning behind it. I wish I could say from age 11 to death, but I guess I'm not lucky enough.

I want to believe she's ever present in my life, yet too much of the same bullshit continue to prove me wrong. I remember the amount of emotion she could always provoke in me, and the unbelievable strength and vulnerability she provided me, whether hindering or liberating. That kind of power will always seem rare to me, and that's what makes it valuable, right?

That part of our connection hasn't touched my life in a long time due to separate paths, and time does heal all wounds, so although I'll always love her, she's not the only one I'll ever love.

My relationship with her has experienced all the ups and downs you could imagine, and it's with a bittersweet smile I say the expression which simply goes, "Out of sight, out of mind."

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A/N: This is as autobiographical as it will get. It has the possibility as a multi-chapter project since I've got a lot in my arsenal concerning this plot. See my profile for more details. other than that, please share any thoughts.


	2. how could i not fall in love with her?

She was a tormentor from the very beginning.

I first encountered her in fifth grade. She was distant yet friendly, another classmate had introduced us to each other, saying we had this anime in common.

We got more familiar and she proceeded to team up with one of my "friends" to make my life hell. I got more and more conscious of my intelligence, which I was manipulated into thinking wasn't the best quality. I wanted to be funny and make people laugh, just like her. She was smart too, I think and was just being competitive whenever she tried to tear me down by mocking my high grades.

My self-esteem was pretty low when we graduated, and it was my hope I could get away from all the jokes and bullies in junior high. Instead, I experienced a lot more contact with both the bullies, although not in the way you'd expect.

They were a lot nicer in middle school. It was the three of us, Temari, me and the Asshole. We sought the same acquaintanceship and became a little group that quickly fell apart when the Asshole became the Asshole. Temari and him had a fight that concluded with her screaming, "You have no soul!" I was already sick of the Asshole too, yet thought it was smarter not to show it. I needed to keep him close as an enemy, and I stopped telling him anything that was going on with me.

Temari never could have handled it like that, though. She was too honest and brutal with her resolute words. They never had a real conversation again. I admired her quickness to cut ties with the Asshole, something I haven't completely done to this day, but then again, she was never in as deep as I was with the guy.

I greatly favored Temari over the Asshole, and let her know it, which earned me some points. Despite that, she never made me pick between them, and it wasn't much of a decision either.

I only got to talk to her inside of school, during lunch cause of our differing classes. I excitedly waved her over as much as one lazy Nara can on the first day of school, glad to see a familiar face, in spite of the troublesome history I had with her. That's when our real friendship began.

Like I said before, she was a real storyteller. We shared many just between the two of us, and everyday was a crack-up. Without the asshole, it seemed, she wasn't so bad.

I don't know how much I can stress this, but Temari gave me energy. She taught me to have better confidence about putting myself out there, how to make the jokes I freely make today and when to be sarcastic. I depended on her entirely too much.

We told each other everything. I told her about the issues with my mom and how I wished my dad was around more. We had a lot in common. She hated her parents and guardians too, but was joyous to speak of her siblings.

It was almost impossible not to depend on her, though. Me and her, we had a real connection. Other kids would sit around us and just watch as we made complete fools of ourselves. They were unsuccessful in joining our conversation because of the barrier surrounding us. It was like a bubble and no one could get in. They didn't understand, and I took some fault in that.

There were a select few I was able to talk to when she wasn't with me in class, and it sucked. They were fake and I kept them around so I didn't look like a complete loser by myself. I was fake too, just not towards her. She, I knew, had the same problem. That comforted me, but I suffered a lot whenever the words "anti-social" struck me. Temari didn't give a fuck what anybody though of her, though, and I became even more enamored with the person I envied the most.

I questioned my feelings like an English teacher analyzing an author's diction. I knew I felt strongly about her, and didn't know how to contain them so they wouldn't become pent-up. I was ashamed and thought these emotions were wrong, she was my best friend and I wasn't going to scare her off. That's really talk for an older kid, and I struggled with it unnecessarily as a natural over-thinker.

The thought I was actually in love with her plagued me at night, to be completely honest. I was scared and held my heart, berating myself for getting so attached to this she-devil.

I was only 11-12 at most, but I knew what that four-letter word meant, and nobody could tell me different.

I would act distant some days, which only hurt myself because every moment I spent with her was so precious and shouldn't have been wasted. She wasn't someone I could call up during the weekend, her home life was strict and non-flexible to people outside her family.

Despite my attempts, I can't remember if she ever really took notice and confronted me about it, and if such an event did ever occur, then it must have been insignificant enough for me not to recall.

It's not easy for me to specifically pinpoint the moment, but by the end of that first year of middle school, I had given up trying to stop loving Temari. Too much work, plus she was beautiful inside and out, how could I not love her?

That was the question at the time, and I couldn't come up with an answer, until now.

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A/N: this really is the easiest thing I've written. wow. I'm sorry if theyre being ooc but tweaking is necessary. do tell if it becomes too much, though. thanks for the support,** Anime Girl Rules** (:


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